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|- May -|
Save the Rhino Day - United States of America. It's also Labor Day in a lot of countries, and Labour Day in some countries where they speak British English, and Worker's Day in a few more, which should give most of us the day off, but everybody is going to be using that excuse. Save the Rhino Day is my choice. May Day would seem a likely pick, but I don't want you talking about Mayday when you're out sailing.
Brothers and Sisters Day - United States of America. I know we had a Sibling Day just last month - but families are important. Wait, maybe the holiday is for people of the cloth - nuns and monks - no, they would have called it Nuns and Monks day - doesn't exactly roll off the tongue, does it? So give your sister or brother a call - or somebody's sister or brother, if you have none; you've got a sailing date.
World Press Freedom Day - International. Sorry, boss. This is important. I have to exercise my freedom to read the newspaper. On my boat.
Remembrance Day for Martyrs & Disabled - Afghanistan. Show a little respect for the Martyrs and the ones that wanted to be martyrs but didn't quite make it and are only disabled. Get on your boat, untie the docklines, hoist the sails, catch the breeze, lean back and let the sun and fresh air wash over you and remember those Martyrs and wannabe martyrs. Let's lift our glass to the martyrs. It's the least we can do. And rest assured, we only want to do the least that we can do.
Cinco de Mayo - United States of America. It's mandatory, it's traditional, it's an American Holiday that we stole from another country and didn't even bother translating. And for those few of you who somehow never knew what it meant, it means A fifth of mayonaise. No, really, it means the Fifth of May and this is the perfect date to celebrate the fifth of May. Tell the boss: "Tengo que salir a navegar." (I must go sailing.)
National Nurses Day - United States of America. If you know a National Nurse, take her sailing. Tell your boss you're feeling poorly and need to consult a medical professional.
Hari Hol Pahang - Malaysia. I have no idea what it means. In the Utasan Malaysia, 9th May 2008 stated "Generasi muda tidak memahami Hari Hol ... That mean " Hari Hol diisytiharkan sebagai cuti umum di Pahang bermula ... It kind of sounds naughty. We can't be naughty at work. But we can be naughty on our sailboat.
V-E Day - United Kingdom & United States of America. This is more important than you might think. If it weren't for V-E Day, we might be speaking German. And we'd have to say to the boss, "Ich muss gehen Segeln." And I don't know about you but I can't seem to say much in German without spraying, and you do that at the boss and you're never going to get to go sailing. So speak plain American English - repeat after me, "I must go sailing." and don't spit. Just go.
Day of Memory and Honour - Uzbekistan. Try this: "Morning, Boss, I just remembered I have to go sailing today and I'd be honoured to have you go with me." I don't know, it might work in Uzbekistan.
National Receptionist Day - United States of America. Take the receptionist out on your boat - the boss can answer his own phone for one day. Or better yet, get the boss to take her out for the day - then he'll never miss you if you've gone sailing.
Sts. Cyrilus and Methodius Day - Bulgaria. Two, count 'em, two Saints in one day. And I believe St. Cyrilus is the Patron Saint of Sailing, and, yeah, that's it, Methodius is the Patron Saint of the breeze. You didn't know sailing could be so religious. The boss has to give you the day off because it's a religious holiday. And for today, you're a Bulgarian Sailor. I'll vouch for you.
Fibromyalgia Awareness Day - United States of America. Woo Hoo - National Holiday. And you have some last minute Fibromyaglia Awareness Day shopping to do. It will obviously be too late to come back to work when your finished. And where you'll be shopping is real near your boat anyway...
IEEE Global Engineering the Future Day - International. I looked extensively at their website - it doesn't say anywhere what IEEE stands for. The I is probably International. One of the E's is most likely Engineering. Other than that, there are no clues. If we don't know what it is, it probably isn't safe to take chances; this, after all, is the future we're talking about here. And somebody, or some group is engineering it. To what end, I'd like to know? What do they have in mind? We know how they've mucked up the past. Is it a conspiracy? Whoa. I think I'm going to feel a lot safer sailing on my sailboat until the future gets here and we can take a good look at it and see what they've done to it. Want to come with me?
Unification & Integration Day - Liberia. I feel a lot better after that scary holiday yesterday, now that the future has arrived and it isn't any worse than we could have expected. Today would be a good day to get Unified and Integrated. Whether you're Liberian or not. And where better to do it? You guessed it - sailboat!
International Day of Families - International; Peace Officer Memorial Day - United States of America; International Conscientious Objector Day - International. Three biggies, all on one day! Family is important - on a Holiday such as this we should all be with our family. And it's important to memorialize peace officers - I think that's what they used to call cops - and you wouldn't want to get a cop mad at you. And that last one - I conscientiously object to not being out sailing. You should, too. With your family. And fly a peace officer memorial flag while you're doing it. I know I will.
Red Hill holiday - Russia. It isn't much - but after all the excitement of yesterday - we need to tone it down a bit. Relax. And, you guessed it - go sailing on Red Hill Holiday.
Día das Letras Galegas - Spain. The Día das Letras Galegas (Galician for "Galician Literature Day") is a holiday in Galicia. ... Galicia is known in Spain as the "land of the 1000 rivers" And you need to sail on every one of them - so get started today. And try to find out where Galicia is so you can tell the boss where you're going.
International Museum Day - International. Museum's are boring. If I'm going to be bored, I'm going to be bored on a sailboat where I'm never bored. Go ahead, tell the boss you're bored and you're going sailing. I'll bet he lets you have the next day off, too. And maybe several after that. And since you've got all that time off, you might want to look for another job, One that recognizes International Museum Day.
Holiday of Poetry - Turkmenistan. Recite Turkmenistani Poetry out loud until the boss tells you to go home. Here's one - the translation may be a little loose - my Turkmenistani is a kind of rusty.
Bibi & the Street Car Wife!
O son, I widow each day by netted windows
playing back days when my daughter-in-law
hooting over hot sands with chapel-less feet
would basket her head on fields of live carrot,
the cowed by courtyard wall with peacock sari
and mousy head, she would mould me dung
buns in caramel sun to pass our village audition.
Her boogly eyes would catch my fast grip ripping
the shokri hairstyle of each carrot, potting
the pan for Indian skinning the slices, tossing under
her buns to drama the screen of fire, Don't watch it -
water the carrots for sauce! Directing our fresh
bride, so like Madhur Jaffrey on telly
she soak my applause on praise of stuffing husband.
Or if you don't care for Turkmenistanish Poetry it's also Malcolm X Day - United States of America. You could go sailing to honor Malcom X. Or his son, Malcolm XI
|20||Party Day or Popular Movement Day - Zaire (Democratic Congo). I'd go with the Party Day part. Invite everybody from the workplace - it wouldn't be much of a party without a bunch of people there. And once the party gets going, sneak off and go sailing, you don't like many of your co-workers that much anyhow.|
National Waiter/Waitress Day - United States of America. I'm serious. It is, too! And you should celebrate by tipping well. Failing that, you could heel well. It's kind of similar.
National Maritime Day - United States of America. Perfect! Absolutely PERFECT! I'll bet you didn't even know there was a National Maritime Day in the United States of America. I didn't either, until I started doing this research. Hoist that main! Fill the Spinnaker! Drink that rum!
|23||World Turtle Day - International. I didn't say this was all going to be easy. Now you have to figure out how to tell the boss you need to go sailing on World Turtle Day. You know him a lot better than I do, you'll work something out. Whatever you do, do it slowly.|
|24||World Schizophrenia Day - International. I have to go sailing and so do I.|
National Missing Children's Day - United States of America;
Towel Day - International;
National Tap Dance Day - United States of America.
There, you have three from which to choose. The first one's a little sad - you could explain that you need to go look for them. The second one, International Towel Day - I have no idea, but there are usualy nice towels on a sailboat, and at work only paper towels, so you wouldn't be doing the day justice by staying at work. And the third, maybe you could Tap Dance until the boss sends you home. Give it a try. Let me know if it works, maybe I'll try it next year. On second thought, I won't; people could get hurt. Heck, I could get hurt.
|26||Sorry Day - Australia. Sorry, Boss, can't come to work today - Sorry, you know, mate.|
Reconciliation Week - Australia. A whole week on this one - you picked a good ' un. Tell the Boss to reconcile himself to the fact that you're going sailing. And simultaneously, you could reconcile yourself to looking for a new job.
Zartusht - No - Diso (Shensai) - Zoroastrian. Good thing they threw that parenthetical explanation in there, or we wouldn't have had a clue. So now we know it means: Festival commemorating the death (according to the Shensai calendar) of the prophet Zarathustra. 'Also Spracht Zarathustra' was the theme from the movie 2001: A Space Odyssey. You can't go into space. Especially in 2001. But you can do the next best thing. Go Sailing. Talk fast when you explain this to the boss - then, kind of bow your head religiously as you head out the door. You can't argue with vague religion.
Anniversary of the death of President Ali Soilih - Comoros. From the photo, they didn't seem to like him much, but they made a holiday about it. We should have more holidays, too. Until then, we need to usurp what's available. Goodbye, President Ali Solih, hello, sailing!
Indian Arrival Day - Trinidad & Tobago. There are several really lame Holidays this day, including Salvation Army Red Shield Appeal - Australia (Give Blood 'til it hurts, mate). But we're going with Indian Arrival Day/ Trinidad and Tobogo are Islands, which fact in and of itself is plenty good reason to go sailing - but you could just look out the window and say, "Uh-oh. Here come the Indians." And when everybody gets curious and looks, you can slip out the door unnoticed. Don't try this too often, or they may start questioning your veracity.
World No-Tobacco Day - International. It is SO hard to quit. And you just can't do it here with all these people. You need some air - a fresh breeze - and no darned tobacco.